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| 2 days before I went in to labor! |
For 19 months I have been telling myself to do this. I wanted to remember every second, every amazing moment. I wanted a million pictures, a video, that I could look at twenty years from now to stream tears of joy remembering that day I brought my first sweet baby boy into this world. I've been wanting to write his birth story so I will never forget any part of those 18 hours and before and after them too. Now, 19 months later I will try and remember every detail that I can, so I won't forget anymore than I already have of this perfect day.
July 14th 2011- I had my 38 week checkup with my amazing midwife Gretchen. Dustin came with me to this appointment so we could all go over our "birth plan". We talked about how I wanted no medication, labor in the bathtub at the birthing center. I told her about my biggest fear, an episiotomy, which she promised me would not happen. I asked Gretchen to check me, like I had the past 3 or 4 appointments, and sure enough had made my way to 3cm already. Up to this point I had been working full time as a massage therapist/esthetician, on my feet, ALWAYS. I know this is why my body progressed and was helping me with some of the work being done before labor started. Gretchen then told me she would be on call the following day, but not again for another week. I knew there was no way I would hold out another week, but TOMORROW?! How could I possibly have this baby TOMORROW?! I knew I had to will this body of mine to bring on labor. Gretchen had to be there. She was my midwife. She knew my plan. It had to work, and I asked my body to cooperate.... PLEASE!
This was my first day of maternity leave. After my appointment I headed downtown for a facial, compliments of my amazing esthetician sister (and auntie to be). I was so relaxed. I felt amazing. Max was doing the happy dance the entire time. After my facial we grabbed some lunch-pizza at Romios around the corner. I then went home with my gigantic, full of pizza and baby belly, and took a nice long nap. What I remember striking me as funny during this nap was that our cat never left my belly. I napped for hours and when I woke up he was still snuggling my big round belly. He knew what was coming. He knew Max would be here soon.
Dustin came home from work and I changed into walking clothes and shoes. I told him we HAD to go for a LOOOOOONG walk and see if labor would start. He laughed and told me he knew I'd rather do the other thing Gretchen mentioned might help start labor. He was right. So we said screw the walk, and screwed each other instead. I snuggled up in bed and after only a few moments my contractions started. This had been happening all week, but tonight was different. I told Dustin to start timing them, they seemed different, harder, painful. Every 5-7 minutes they came, stronger than the last. I got up from bed to start packing my bag, Dustin thought I was crazy. As I'm throwing shampoo and conditioner in my weekender bag I felt a gush. Brushed it off and felt another, and another. MY WATER BROKE. This was it. Shit was about to get REAL.
I will spare you the details of this next hour, maybe two of madness at our house. My body cleansing itself, Dustin digging for the camera charger, me screaming from the bathroom. Pure insanity.
Finally around 9pm we arrived at the birthing center after what was the worst car ride of my life. Into triage we went. Contraction in the elevator, and again-a nurse holding the elevator doors open. Checking my name in at triage-pushing my forehead against the wall through another contraction. Laying in a triage bed, getting checked-5cm now, running to the bathroom again. This idiot nurse trying to give me a capped off IV "just in case" and doing such an awful job my hand was swollen and black for weeks. Somehow getting to my room. The on call midwife filling up the tub. Getting in the tub-getting back out to go to the bathroom again. Gretchen wasn't there, she called to say she had just taken a sleeping pill and would come as soon as she could. Shit. Shit. Shit. I needed Gretchen.
It's around 230AM now. The on call midwife thinks I'm in transition in the tub. I stand for her to check me, she needs me to lie down. I make it over to the bed having 3 contractions on the way-they're worse now out of the tub. I can't do this. She tells me I'm only 7cm. I fell apart. Then here they come, back to back, 3 contractions with no break. I remember thinking I was going to die. I mean seriously going to die. I asked for something, anything to help. Two rounds of narcotics later I was in misery. I felt drunk, awful, worse than before. The midwife offered me the tub again, I gave up. I remember saying "no, I know what you're trying to do, I want the epidural".
At 330AM I was nicely hooked up to a needle in my spine and numb from the waist down. Labor had slowed. Dustin and I took naps. At some point in the morning they decided I needed pitocin. So much for the epidural now, I was feeling almost everything again. Shaking through contractions, from head to toe. Teeth chattering, he was coming. By noon they said I was ready, 10cm,but Max was positioned funny.I called my Mom to tell her I was ready, but Max wasnt yet. I sat squatting for what seemed like forever, probably 30 minutes about. He had straightened hinself out now. It was time. 40 minutes of pushing with all I had. Pulling a sheet attached to the birthing bar, and then it happened. Dustin delivered our sweet boy and laid him on my belly. I remember saying "happy birthday, it's ok, cry,cry Max, get it out, happy birthday".
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| 3 hours old...big yawns! |
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| that hair and those lips! :) |
When I had called my dad to tell him he was here, my dad said to me "now you know the true meaning of LOVE". And he was absolutely right.
Later that day, or maybe the following morning a nurse came in to check on Max and I. She was so sweet, and was looking intently into my eyes. I was polite, but had no idea who she was. After she left I asked Dustin what I was missing here? He told me "She was the one holding up your right leg, you dont REMEMBER HER?!" And I really didnt. This to me shows the place you are in while giving birth. There is no one else there, you are completely "alone". Nothing else matters but getting this SO VERY loved baby out into the world. It wouldnt have mattered if I was literally alone, or had a team of twenty there, because I saw nothing but BREATHE and PUSH. This makes me feel like a pretty rad cavewoman or something. :)
A moment I will never forget was while getting my epidural Dustin stood in front me, nose to nose, forehead to forehead. I was crying, snot dripping, and it was the most beautiful moment I can think of between him and I. He was my rock, my strength, and somehow put me at ease while a complete stranger was putting a needle into my spine. This is one of the memories I don't think I'll ever forget. This put us on another level somehow, this life and death level together almost.
I keep running this 18 hour labor, and 24 hours after in my head trying to fine tune all of the details. I wish I had taken more pictures. I wish I had hired a photographer to be there for the entire thing, snapping amazing shots of this once in a lifetime experience. I wish the nurse to the left hadnt stood in front of our videocamera as Dustin reached down and delivered our son, so all you can hear is his cry and mine but all you see is navy blue scrubs. These things I will change for next time. But there is NOTHING I would change about this birth story.
At my 2 day checkup with the post partum Dr. She asked me a list of questions. One being "How would you describe your birth?" Well this answer is easy, I said. It was perfect.
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| *love* |
